FlurbCo's Impact
At FlurbCo, we strive to always live up to our responsibility as one of the largest companies on the planet. Every day and in every way, FlurbCo is having an impact on communities large and small throughout the globe- and some of it has even been positive!
Following a small mining accident in the late 1970's, for which FlurbCo was in no way responsible and, moreover, no damage to the residents or groundwater could be proven in court, the company decided to take a long hard look at its philanthropic and community development efforts. The result was the FlurbCares program, a series of generous block grants offered to local organizations and municipalities to improve the lives of people all over the world- or at least get them to stop suing us every time one of our companies happens to spill a tiny amount of benzine into their precious water supply.
The FlurbCares Program
Although we cannot judge the success of these programs since we do no follow-up whatsoever, we can say that all grantees used up their alloted budgets, and at the end of the day, that counts for something. Some have criticized this lack of oversight, but the program seems to be working fine. Even if the local leaders pocket the cash, which admittedly seems likely, we should not underestimate the economic value of those officials spending that money in their local community on high-grade drugs and sex workers. As former President John F. Kennedy is reputed to have said, "a rising tide of cocaine and hepatitis C raises all boats."
Some would go further and use words like "bribe" and "corruption" when talking about the FlurbCares program, and in response we have our own words- words like, "you're just jealous you didn't get a grant" as well as, "you will be hearing from some very expensive lawyers very soon."
Still, it's hard to argue with success stories like the ones we've seen with the FlurbCares program. We call them success stories because they are stories that are successful, and since we are the ones telling the story, we get to tell you how successful they are.
The FlurbCo Super Fun Time Fun Camp in the Democratic Republic of Congo is just one example. Ten years ago, the children of Lubumbashi were dying- of boredom. With no amusement parks or opera houses nearby, the children had nothing to do but mope about. "What these kids need is a summer camp!" said someone, presumably.
And so that's just what we did. For no reason other than to see the smiles on the faces of the children, we created this sprawling 500-acre wonderland of tents, warehouses, and "fun-ctories." At the Super Fun Time Fun Camp, local kids can spend their days hanging out with their friends and doing cool crafts like making components for mobile phones. Fun! It's surprising how good the craft projects look when they've finished, as if their tiny hands were just purpose made for this kind of craft.
The camp is so much fun, in fact, that the children didn't want to go home at the end of the summer, so the camp operates year-round now. All thanks to the FlurbCares program. You're welcome, kids!
And this is just the beginning. With results like these, you can bet that FlurbCo will be bringing this kind of success story to a town near you very soon. We're going to make the world a better place, whether it wants to be or not. You're welcome, planet earth!
